GRIEF
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Searching for the Sun
If you have never read my Bio page on my website (…not mad at ya…), you might wonder why I chose My Search for the Sun as the title of my blog. I knew I didn’t want my blog to be completely centered around IVF or infertility because it was just a season I was going through. Instead, I wanted my blog to be about more than just one topic in my life…I wanted it to be about my entire life and the struggles I have faced and will face. I chose My Search for the Sun as the title because, to me, it means choosing to find the good in the bad. I’m sure there are…
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Infertility=Grief Part 2
I remember so vividly one summer day in 2013 (one year after my Dad passed away), I was walking down a street in Edina, Minnesota heading to my favorite store, Anthropologie. I was in town briefly on my way up to our family’s cabin in Northern Minnesota. I slowly walked by a restaurant I had eaten at with my parents a couple years prior, remembering that dinner with them. All of a sudden out of nowhere, I couldn’t catch my breath and began crying. Just the simple act of walking by that restaurant reminded me that my Dad was gone forever. He wasn’t coming back. I thought I had already…
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“See You In Heaven.”
My Grandmother passed away two weeks ago. She was the last living grandparent I had. She was 92 years old and lived a long and beautiful life. She was ready to go. Seeing someone die is never easy because you know you will never see them again in this earthly life, but it makes it easier to bear when you know that person is ready to go. My Grandma lived a wonderful life. She met my Grandpa when they were young, had 5 beautiful children who made them very proud, and was the quintessential homemaker and supportive wife. She was patient, practical, kind, thoughtful and extremely generous. Her faith in…
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When Your Dad’s Not at Your Wedding
9 years, 4 hours and 5 minutes ago, my Dad passed away from pancreatic cancer. Our family was all gathered around his bed in the wee hours of the morning watching him take his last breath of life. And when he did take that last breath, I said goodbye to my Dad’s physical body…along with so many hopes and dreams I had for a future with him. Several days before my Dad died, I was able to talk to him in his hospital room. Just him and I. I was so scared to do it because I didn’t want to say goodbye. I will always thank my sister for pushing me to…
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Infertility=Grief
I lost my dad 9 years ago to pancreatic cancer. I had never experienced a loss like that before. I remember feeling overwhelmed with sadness at random times, out of nowhere. There were times when I cried so hard I couldn’t catch my breath. The things that I loved doing, didn’t bring me joy anymore. Nothing really brought me joy…at least for a certain period of time. I received news from my IVF doctor the day after my 40th birthday that my 2nd egg retrieval was unsuccessful. The irony of it all is that moments before…literally seconds before…I pushed the “Post” button on a Facebook post I wrote where I…
