Get Out on the Dance Floor.

I’ve been reflecting a lot about dating and the beginning of relationships lately. I’m not exactly sure why, but I think it’s because it was in April (2017) that I finally was ready to begin dating again. Thankfully for the last time in my life. 

Since I bare my soul to you about everything else, I might as well mention that I was in a very long-term relationship before I met my husband.  We were never married. It was off and on for many years. Finally, four years ago around this time, we ended our “relationship” for good.

I wasn’t 100% ready to start dating again, but I felt like I needed to force myself to do it.  I was 36 years old at the time and the clock was ticking!  There was absolutely no part of me that wanted to deal with the online dating world. I had done it before and had no desire to put myself out there again in that way. But what else was I going to do? 

I remember I was in a really dark place one night in March of 2017. I had been crying. I hated that I had to start all over again. And I hated even more that my only option at the time was a dating app. But I did it anyway. I started with eHarmony.com. I made a profile and started answering the 500,000 questions they ask you. With each answer, my anticipation started growing.  I started getting curious and kind of excited to see what men would await me on the other side of this questionnaire.  It was like shopping for a man at a store…what height do I want him to be? What color should his eyes be? How much money do I want him to make? Do I want a family man? What religion do I want him to be? I started thinking…maybe this will be easier than I thought?! I can just pick everything I want in a man and then the rest is history.

Umm…do you think that’s what actually happened? Absolutely not. If you’ve been reading any of my blogs, I think you know by now that nothing in my life is that easy. So you know what did happen after I spent 30 minutes creating an eHarmony profile and trying to find the perfect man? After I hit submit on my application, a message box popped up and said “We’re sorry – we are unable to find the right type of people for you.” and went on to say “This does not reflect on you personally or your chances of finding a happy relationship.” And that was it! It closed the profile I created and wiped everything away that I had worked so hard on.  I had just spent 30 minutes of my life picking out the perfect man and eHarmony couldn’t even match me with one other human being?! Not one single other person? What was wrong with me? I was in shock! I sat there for about 5 minutes with my mouth wide open. I wanted to cry, but instead I started laughing…hysterically…and then texted my best friend. 

Surprisingly enough, I didn’t let that setback deter me from entering the dating world. It’s just one other example in my life where I’ve learned to not take myself so seriously. Could I have given up and said there’s no one out there for me? Yep! Absolutely. But I didn’t. I knew the only way to ever have a chance at the life I wanted was to get back on that saddle and try again. So 2 dating apps, hundreds of messages, and 4 dates later….I met the love of my life. 

My husband reminded me of this story last night and we were laughing about it together. I’ve reflected on this situation a lot over the years. What I’ve come to realize is that sometimes we have no clue what we want in a life partner until we have found it. Yes, we can have standards. Yes, we can try to narrow all of the millions of people down by saying we want this or that quality in a partner. But when it came down to it, no dating app was ever going to be able to describe to me the feeling I had inside when I was around my husband.  No amount of messaging back and forth was going to be able to show me the facial expressions my husband makes, which make me laugh my butt off every day.  I think too often in this world we write people off before we ever give them a chance…..that includes both dating apps and people we already know. 

I almost didn’t meet my husband. My friend took my phone one night and swiped right for me with a bunch of guys – that’s how we matched! And then I almost didn’t talk to him in the 24-hour period the app gave us.  And then I almost didn’t respond to him when he spelled my name wrong in his 1st message to me (lol). And thennnn I almost didn’t go on a 1st date with him.  Why, you ask? Because in my head I had an idea of the man I was going to marry someday and my husband did not fit that mold. In my head I was picking out a man like I had the opportunity to do on the eHarmony website. And you know what the reality was? No perfect man exists! BUT God had the perfect man in mind for me.  And I thank God every day for pushing me out of my own way and intervening so I could meet him.  

There’s a quote that always stayed with me throughout my dating life….”Opportunity dances with those already on the dance floor.” To me, this meant if I was putting myself out there and dating, I would allow myself more opportunities to find my future husband. I went on dates with guys I questioned every moment saying yes to. I went on a couple horrible dates. Like I said before, I wasn’t even 100% sure about going on a date with my husband. But I will always tell people that one of the happiest feelings I had in my life was the moment after I went on my 1st date with a guy from a dating app. It was the worst date ever! But I wasn’t focused on that. I was flying high afterward because I overcame a fear that day. Which then made it easier to go on a 2nd date….and a 3rd…and a 4th…..and then I got to meet the man I realized (after 2 dates) I wanted to marry.  I was on the dance floor…not sitting at the table watching.  And because I pushed through during those difficult months, I was given the greatest gift God has ever blessed me with….my husband.  

My hope for those of you who are questioning putting yourself out there……get off that chair and get on the dance floor too.