If He’s Not Your Best Friend, Don’t Marry Him.

I love my husband deeply. He is hands down the best friend I have ever had.  But if you would’ve told me 5 years ago that my best friend would end up being an Army vet who lives in small-town Iowa, listens to Slipknot and has tattoos….I would’ve laughed in your face because I would’ve thought I didn’t have anything in common with that person. The irony of this…because it’s my life, so there’s always irony….is that after our 1st date, I told my family, “I don’t know…I feel like he’s more of a best friend candidate.” (Girl…sometimes I wish you just wouldn’t talk…) So as with most things in my life this far, I thought I was 100% sure where my path should lead and then I ended up going in the complete opposite direction. Thank God.

There were two significant times I remember, when Rob and I were dating, when I just knew that he was the absolute best friend I have ever had. 

The first time was when we had been dating for 10 months or so and went on our 1st week long vacation together. The whole trip was amazing, but my favorite part was what I still consider the best day of my life (even over our wedding day!).  On a whim, we rented a scooter and rode it around the city of Chicago. We stopped at a couple breweries (something you probably shouldn’t do when renting a scooter and driving around a lot of traffic, but anyway…)…we rode by Wrigley….went as fast as we could down side streets….laughed our butts off the whole time and just acted like two teenage kids in love without a care in the world.  I literally have never had that much fun with another human being in my entire life. I remember thinking….”Wow. I actually get to have fun like this with the person I am going to marry for the rest of my life?”  I honestly never knew a relationship like that had ever existed before, even as a 36-year-old.

The second time I realized Rob was my best friend (I’m starting to feel like that term doesn’t even do it justice) was when I shared something with him about myself that I had never before said out loud to another human being. He never once made me feel bad about it. All he did was give me grace and love me in that moment. It was absolutely the definition of unconditional love and what I’ve never seen (or allowed myself to see) from another human being. Ever. He knew every dark part of me…what I never wanted to admit to anyone…and still loved me anyway.  And the thing is, in my heart I knew he would, that’s why I was never truly scared to tell him.

Maybe you define your best friend a little different than me and that’s totally fine. To me, a best friend is someone I can be my absolute self with, someone who I don’t hold anything back from and someone who I want to share all the moments in life with….good and bad. It might sound simple to you…like oh yeah, I have that with a lot of people. And my question to you would be…do you? Do you really? The reason why I ask is because I thought I had it too, but I actually had no clue….until I met my husband. 

I read somewhere that the person you marry will be your eating companion for about 20,000 meals, your travel companion for about 100 vacations and someone’s day you will hear about 18,000 times. Let’s be real. There’s no ones day I want to hear about 18,000 times (besides my husband…I guess…). On top of all that, l can’t even imagine what this last year would’ve been like without my best friend by my side. Infertility, 3 failed IVF cycles, a fricken pandemic, stress at work because of the pandemic, quarantine…the list goes on.  Did he annoy me at times? You’re darn right he did. But more importantly, he made me laugh my butt off with just his facial expressions, he listened to me when I needed to talk, he supported me when I needed encouragement, he held me when I cried…and through all that, we managed to have some fun too cause that’s what best friends do.  

The reason why I am going on and on about husbands and best friends is this: When you’re married and things get really hard (and they WILL get hard), if you didn’t marry your best friend, your lows are going to be even lower and your highs aren’t going to be as high as they have the potential to be. And life is hard enough so I don’t want that for you……so please, pleeease wait until you find the one who will do something as equally dorky as riding a scooter around Chicago with you too.