The Desires of Your Heart

I am a dreamer and an idealist. If I have free time, most likely I will be daydreaming about the beautiful Italian countryside or watching a sunrise in Sedona or fantasizing about the next big adventure I can plan for Rob and me. I love to explore this big, beautiful world and I love to dream. I don’t know why I’m like that, I guess it’s just who I am. 

When I was in college, I dreamed of either moving to Europe or backpacking through it…even if it was just for a few months. The daydreamer in me envisioned myself sitting at a café in Paris, drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes (…it’s what they do in Paris…) and having deep philosophical conversations in French. (I don’t know French, but in my daydreams I do).  Sometimes my dreams are fleeting, but for some reason I couldn’t shake this one…it was always there. 

After college was over, I had regrets that I had never studied abroad, but it was kind of just becoming a thing while I was in college. When I was 28 years old, I was in a pretty decent financial situation. I had a good job. I had just transferred back to my hometown for my job and was living with my parents temporarily while I figured out what was next. I didn’t want to commit to anything because I had this desire in my heart to travel through Europe. I have no idea why that dream was planted inside me, but it just wouldn’t go away. 

I don’t remember a lot of details about it, but there was a conversation I had with my parents at the beginning of 2008 that forever changed my life. We were probably talking about if I was going to find a place to live or what I was going to do with my future. (I’m guessing they wanted me out of their house!) I’m sure I said something about my dream of backpacking through Europe, which they had heard several times before. The next thing that happened, I remember very clearly. My Dad said to me in his very direct, lawyer tone, “Why don’t you stop talking about it and just do it?”

And that was it. That was exactly what I needed to hear. For some reason I needed that permission and push from someone I respected and trusted. Like if I were going to do this, I wouldn’t totally be messing up my life because my Dad thought it was okay too. 

So that exact day in 2008, I made up my mind that I was going to fulfill my life long dream of backpacking through Europe. I went to the bookstore immediately and bought 5 books about traveling through Europe and started planning every single aspect of my trip. I spent months planning that trip. I put in my notice at work in July and on August 6^th, 2008 I set out on the journey that would forever impact who I am as a person. 

I spent 2 months traveling through Europe (with brief stops in Asia and Africa). I visited 18 countries and 43 cities….from Istanbul, Turkey to Dublin, Ireland. I covered most of western Europe.  The trip was as amazing, scary, beautiful, lonely, breath-taking and adventurous as I could imagine. I spent most of my time alone. I reflected a lot. I soaked it all in. I don’t want to be cliché and say that I found myself on that trip because it’s honestly more about who I found after I got home. 

I remember getting off the plane in the United States after my 2-month trip and never feeling happier or more fulfilled in my 28 years on earth than I was in that moment. I was on fire! I had just survived backpacking through foreign countries without speaking any language but English, almost getting kicked off a train in Slovakia at 2am for not having enough cash on me, almost getting bucked off a donkey on the side of a mountain in Greece, finding the way back to my hotels each night through the curviest, smallest alleyways I could imagine, being sick with food poisoning and still having to travel to my next destination….and I did it all by myself! I literally thought I could do anything after that trip.

Like I mentioned before, it wasn’t that I came to some epiphany on my trip.  I didn’t discover my calling in life or “find myself”.  It’s the person I became after that trip that made the trip so meaningful to me. I was worldlier, more confident, more courageous, more compassionate, had a better understanding of people who are different than me and saw things from such a different perspective than I had previously. I honestly gained more knowledge and life experience in those 2 months than 4 years of college had ever taught me. What started out as a desire in my heart ended up being a huge part of who I am today. 

Fast-forward 13 years. As I’ve become an adult, I’ve had dreams of becoming a writer, which is really strange because before my blog I had never really written much more than Facebook posts, journal entries and heartfelt birthday cards to loved ones. But for some reason that desire had been planted in my heart. One of my first blog posts “The Power of Female Encouragement” mentioned how my blog came about. All it took was one compliment from someone I admire to give me the confidence I needed to start my blog.  And you know how I felt after I published my first blog post? Yep, I was on fire again for the 2^nd time in my life. (3^rd if you count when I started dating my husband.)

What I’ve learned over the years is that the desires in our hearts are planted for a reason. Every moment, every adventure, every experience in our life shapes us into the people we are meant to be. There is a yearning planted in each and every one of us. Some people have the courage to go after what they want no matter what. There are others, like me, who need a little encouragement and a little push.  And then the tragic cases are the people who never pursue their desires because they don’t have the courage and they’ve also never had anyone encouraging them along the way.

I’m sure I’ve had plenty of critics in my life. I’m sure I have countless ones now. I have literally put my life out there for others to criticize. I’m sure I had friends and family who thought I was crazy for starting a blog or traveling to Europe by myself…I definitely had a few tell me that to my face. But the thing is, I’m not living my life for them. I’m living it for me. And more importantly, I’m living to fulfill God’s purpose on this earth…whatever that means for me. 

So I have two questions to leave you with:

1)  Are you pursuing the desires in your own heart?

And…

2)  When it comes to the desires in other’s hearts….are you a critic or are you the one pushing others to go after their dreams as well?

You might never know the power you hold and the lives you can impact.

I will forever be grateful to the people who pushed me to go after my dreams because it has given my life meaning, helped me impact other people’s lives and made me into the person I am today.