The Effects of IVF on Your Mental Health

I’m an early riser.  There is nothing I love more than to wake up at 5am (ish), make my coffee and have quiet time in the house to do whatever I want. I could spend hours searching for random things on the Internet like organization ideas (I love organizing!), photography tips or anything and everything on Anthroplogie’s website, and I don’t care because it’s my time. 

Ever since I received the bad news about my most recent IVF cycle, I haven’t had the desire to wake up in the mornings. I could just sleep and sleep forever. (It would be better if my dogs weren’t so dang needy, then I could truly sleep forever.) Sometimes I wish I were one of those people who have no problem calling into work, because if that were the case, I would call into work everyday this week. I have no desire to get out of bed. No desire to search for things on the Internet. No desire to clean my house (Yes, I like to clean my house!). No desire to have conversations with people I love. No desire to spend time with God. 

I’m depressed. I’ve never suffered from clinical depression, but I’ve had many friends and loved ones who have.  I know what I am dealing with right now is a case of situational depression. I know it because I’ve dealt with it before.  I also know that I will come out of it….again, because I’ve been here before. 

One thing I have realized since starting my IVF journey last August is that doctors don’t prepare us for the effects IVF has on our mental health.  Never once in the past 6 months has someone sat down with me to talk through how I am feeling or even offer support when I received bad news.  The fact that I equate the news from my two unsuccessful IVF cycles to the grief I experienced when my Dad died, tells me IVF can have an extreme effect on someone’s emotional and mental health…and that’s not something to be taken lightly.

I have been through enough hard things in my life to have confidence in my ability to come through this. I have been knocked so many times in the last 10 years…I know how to stand up faster and stronger each time.  I will get through this.  But if there’s anyone out there that has never been through something this emotionally difficult before, I truly encourage you to seek counseling …or talk to someone who has been through something similar. This.is.SO.hard. It’s so hard to receive the news that yet another egg retrieval resulted in no embryos, to think that I am getting closer and closer to having my life dreams crushed. To lose hope. It’s.so.fricken.hard. Don’t let yourself or anyone else discount the way you are feeling right now.  You are extremely brave for even trying IVF to begin with. And I truly believe that the trials we are faced with are meant to refine and build us into the people we are meant to be…..even if it takes a little support to help get us there.